Lancaster Uni 2s
4-2
This Wednesday brought the Owens 4s their first match against a respectable university (Liverpool maybe, but then again they are all Scousers). With Edge Hill not playing this week, the Owens had a chance to overtake their closest rivals and take first place in the league.
With the team on a downer since Joe wasn’t around to provide comic relief, the game started surprisingly well for the Owens, with some good early pressure down the wings though Adam and Johnny. Eventually a short corner was won which Charlie topped beautifully to bobble its way into the bottom corner. Lancaster then started to get more involved in the game and their pressure saw them win and convert a scrappy short corner of their own. This didn’t affect the Owens spirit though and they continued to attack. A pass into the D found its way to Mike and, with the help of some excellent American football style lead blocking from Adam, he was able to fire a reverse stick screamer into the top right hand corner of the Lancaster goal. Unfortunately, the Owens couldn’t hold onto their lead until half-time after they were caught flat footed on a quick counter attack.
After the break somebody put the Owens 3-2 up with Adam turning in the D and slotting it in the bottom corner. The Owens then took over, barely giving Lancaster a touch. They were so dominant that people even decided to start deliberately passing to imaginary players on the back post when shooting into an open goal would surely have been the sensible option (Andy you’re an idiot for over-running what was a perfect pass and making me look like a tit (Captain note.....Andy drew the defence, the goalie, midfield and probably even the attackers....Mike you are a fool and lack the minerals to score unless by mistake)). Soon after, Mike cut a square ball back to Andy who played a disgracefully cheeky one-two with the keeper to put the game to bed.
The Owens face a huge game next week, playing fellow promotion hopefuls Edge Hill “University” in what is probably a winner takes all clash.
Salford 1s (A)
2-2
The Owens 4th XI travelled to Salford, Manchester’s disgusting inbred cousin, in search of a win which would give them breathing space at the top of a congested league.
A dominant start by the Owens was undone quickly when Salford scored on two quick counter attacks. From then on the Owens knew they were up against it. Some members of the team had identified a potential problem before the game had started and it was around about this time that these people were proved right. There was something different about the umpires in this game. This difference led to wrong decisions, rules being completely ignored and not having the balls to make decisions. Nevertheless, the Owens didn’t give up and they pulled a goal back before the break – “the horseman” scoring surprisingly a goal this season which was more down to bad goalkeeping than any sort of skill.
After the break both teams were getting frustrated by these “different” umpires. Some showed their dislike for bad decisions more than others, which eventually saw players from both sides sent to the sin bin. Strong defensive work from Fellaini, Rambo, Prince Harry and Parkinsons, kept Salford chances to a minimum, whilst the luckiest save ever seen on a hockey pitch saw Heroin Addict keep out one of the few shots Salford actually had. Coleman, Charlie and Andres continued to dominate the midfield and this resulted in a ball to Joe up front which was slotted past the keeper for the equaliser. The Owens had the better of the chances in the remainder of the game, but could not force a winner which would have earned a memorable comeback.
Lessons for the Owens boys to learn from the game:
· Free hits and sidelines need to be taken quickly
· Salford is a dump, be thankful you don’t go to uni there, let alone live there
· Richard Keys and Andy Gray were right
UCLAN 1s cup (A)
11-0 loss
10 men owens 4s..valient effort...emotional
Edge Hill (A)
2-3 win
The mighty Owens 4th team travelled to top of the league Edge Hill “University”, looking for another win on the back of their 9-0 demolition of Salford the week before.
Turning up 5 minutes late for the game after an awful turn in the road and lack of a sat nav clearly got into the minds of the semi-scouse scum. An early aerial ball from the midfield saw the horseman gallop his way into the opposition D before hoofing the ball home to give the Owens boys an early lead.
Soon after this the oppo won a short which was drag flicked powerfully towards the goal and was saved on the line by postman Matt, shame he decided to use his knee instead of his stick. A stroke was awarded and scored (even though it was a crap flick…Heroin).
The Owens boys did not let their heads drop. We went straight down the other end and some good passing eventually found its way to minibus driver Ian a couple of yards from goal (nobody really knows what he was doing there from right back). He was unceremoniously munched by the onrushing goalkeeper, bringing about one of many umpire consultation sessions. The second flick of the game was awarded and put away confidently by Charlie.
But that wasn’t enough for the Owens. We carried on hungrily and mercilessly, like Vanessa Feltz faced with an empty fridge, before our pressure forced another goal when Jack and the horseman forced a mistake from the oppo’s centre back which allowed the horseman to trot on with the ball and flick poorly past the keeper, giving the Owens boys a 3-1 lead at half time.
We decided to go easy on them in the second half, showing off how our defence is every bit as good as our attack. Fellaini was sent to the sin bin for a girly push, but Gavin, Parkinson’s, Rambo, Matt and Ian mopped up everything thrown at them until they decided to let another in, just to make it interesting for the gathered, ragged looking onlookers.
Controversy came late on, as the gameplan nearly went tits up when the umpires awarded (wrongly) a penalty stroke to the semi-scousers as time expired. Meanwhile the horseman was also shown a yellow after neighing his disgust at the decision. However, Heroin addict psyched out the lad who stepped up, who, rather embarrassingly, couldn’t even hit the target from the spot (no Heroin, you didn’t save it).
Cue cup final-like celebrations and for some, a goalmouth man-pile.
MOTM: Parkinson’s (by no means a shaky performance at the back)
DOTDs: Horseman (getting sent off without anyone noticing), Joe (30+ ridiculous comments on the day, oh and missing your stop on the bus home).
Salford 2s (A) cup
0 – 9(W)
After suffering the humiliation of a hefty defeat to Salford’s first team (at home), Owens 4s were seeking revenge in the cup. The game was obviously less important to most than a free week at home, with the team looking decidedly bare on Tuesday night. Could we really pose a problem with only eight players? Probably.
After waiting an age for the stragglers at the Armo, we managed to leave with another 3 players begged, borrowed and stolen. Convoying to Salford (possibly the most miserable place on earth) made all the worse by the shit northern weather, Fellaini made possibly the best shout for dick of the day by driving across the sports field and parking right beside the astro, probably the safest place.
On arrival we discovered our match wasn’t in fact at one o’clock like we had been led to believe but at three. The two hours to kill came in quite useful for Doddy though who had managed to lose himself, with the help of a satellite following his little blue saxo.
After a trip to the local Spar, which just so happens to be the ultimate in Salford student nightlife we returned, psyched for the match after warming up in the car park.
The game was a no show on Salford’s part to be honest, they offered nothing and as a competition was over long before half time. It was the game everyone hates, boring, cold and wet. The new guys, Guy and Lawrence bagged four between them. Lawrence displaying his ‘bare pace’ ( as Andy so well described) to skin the Salford left back time and time again to square across the D for Guy to tap in a hat-trick. Lawrence’s turn came in the second half, after a sexy passage of play which involved Doddy caressing the ball through his legs on the edge of the D. Andy ran on to the through ball, pulled it back for Lawrence to slot past a helpless keeper. The celebration was way to emphatic than it needed to be, ‘ mate, we were seven nil up’. Mike ‘horseman’ Dodd added two of his own to the pile after running the less than adequate defence ragged for the whole game. Andy added the slowest reverse short corner ever to the mix, while Adam contributed with a run and shot into the bottom corner. Another short corner resulted in a Salford defender thinking he was playing football and kicking the ball away from the goal line. Flick awarded and comfortably dispatched by myself. The game finishing 9 – 0 did something towards making amends for the horrible showing the previous week.
MOTM: Matt R – for doing the square root of f**k all, that way he couldn’t do anything wrong
DOTD: Myself – for a beautiful aerial out of my own D which could have hit a Salford player (if he moved 2 metres to his left). Short corner awarded.
Charlie
Salford 1s
This week the now strengthened 4th team (addition of Nick Anson) took on the highly skilled Poly 1st team of Salford. The match itself was really not that eventful, there was some good passing, tackling, movement and ball skills all round.
The birthday boy, Nick Anson – know to many by his friendly nick-name of Screech, had a moment of inspiration at the start of the match. Playing up front on the edge of the circle he deflected a momentous through ball with his stick precisely angled on the floor, the ball flew through the air and passed just over the cross bar skimming the netting.
Apart from this, other points of interest were Charlie’s outstanding continuous dedication and intelligent play, Coleman’s losing his temper and shouting at his stick but not managing to get any words out and most importantly Coleman crying at the half time team talk – cheeks don’t go that rosy, voices don’t quiver so quickly and eyes most certainly don’t water that much from a little bit of cold autumn air Matthew.
To finish everyone had a thoroughly enjoyable day and could go home with their heads held high for knowing they tried their hardest. Two small points, Nick was tricked into thinking the whistle had gone so stopped and lost the ball – hence this match report, and Salford managed to score seven goals to our zero.
Until next time
X
Captain’s statement...while there may have been rosy cheeks (have good circulation) at no point was there tears as all tears had been shed on the acceptance that Screech was needed to fill in.
University of Liverpool 3rds
waiting on Joes report
Nottingham
Score: 0-2 (L)
The Owens' boys came out looking for a win with the 5-2 Sheffield friendly under our belts. It was a decent day and we had enough lads there for a full team at the start of the game so there was nowt to say we couldn't win it. Some of you might recall the not very good verbal match report from circle. Well, add that to this and some of the things mentioned may have actually happened in the match.
The result from the previous week might have made the Owens’ boys a bit complacent as they let Nottingham bring the game to our D for first fifteen minutes or so. There were a couple of short corners but they were nothing the stalwart short corner defense couldn’t handle… for now. Nottingham pressured our play a bit but once we got a bit of some more aggressive play the mighty Owens powered through their midfield. The valiant captain, Ray Mears, took himself of to give a good supporting role from the sideline at some point in the first half. Then after some back and forth it was half time.
With all the harsh, harsh decisions from Beanstalk and H from Steps it’s no surprise there were about 10 short corners against Owens. On them spooning the injection we were put enough off balance for them to blast it into the net at mid height. Parkinsons’ number one running was good enough that there was one shot from top D; unfortunately, this was kind of a drag flick and it went in (his spackerish technique threw us right off, like).
Bit of a shame to miss out of all the glorious Owens play and concentrate on the shitty, lucky Nottingham hockey but when the fourths dump their match report on someone who doesn’t know what’s going on half time even when he’s not 70m away from all the action this is what you get. And on that, nobody did out bloody dickish so I’m not voting first next week, alright.
MOM - Matt (fresher) - Heroic defending and such.
DOD - Heroin Addict dropped hisself in the shit, didn't he?
Sheffield
Home
Owens 5- Sheffield 2
Scorers: Matt Coleman (2), Martijn, Adam, Mike
After a serving of torrential rain and hail, a new look owens 4s swaggered up to armo on the anniversary when we lost to the same Sheffield team 5-1. It got off to a shaky start too, when we went down to a goal where 3 of the opposition broke into to D with plenty of space, leaving me (parkinsons) in the dust and slotted it past heroin addict.
We did however look very lively going forward-reflected when martijn (tijn as in the river tyne) put in a good solo effort and squeezed it to coleman, who put us level. Moments later the scorer won a penalty flick, where responsibility was given to martijn (tijn as in the river tyne). The goalie went the right way. But he still didn’t do well enough! 2-1 up put us in a positive mind frame for the rest of the half, where some amount of time before the HT whistle their goalie had a howler: slid to get the ball away from a seemingly safe position for them (my view from left back), completely missed and allowed matt to slide in at the back post, lamping himself on the post and acquiring a colourful bruise on his side. Well worth the 3-1.
A lot of half time was spent by matt working out who he’d told to come, who to get off and if he had enough players- very rousing, but that didn’t matter as we had Sheffield where we wanted them and knew we just had to keep plugging away and they’d crumble…
…Justified when, straight from the off, a smashing solo from Adam twisted and turned from just inside their half to work himself the smallest of spaces in the D to shoot on his reverse; goalie beaten at his near! There was then another goal by one Manchester United fan, that clearly isn’t worth mentioning before a long pause where we dominated, but may have got a bit complacent and conceded one.
Also worth mentioning; a Rambo clearance above his head off the line from a short, some very lively play all game round from our forwards and our midfield who stayed on top of theirs for the majority.
Full time score: Owens 5- Sheffield 2
Back to Robbos where, after some initial, deep disappointment we wouldn’t be getting food, we dished out the rewards
Man of the Match: Rambo for bossing from central defence and a clearance off the line
Shortlisted: martijn, adam and mike racked a few votes up.
Dick of the day: myself for reversing and tripping myself up before I was about to receive a pass and being heckled by a senior Sheffield team
Shortlisted: the captain, DT obviously and Prince Harry for outstanding levels of griplessness.
Unfortunately our freshers then lost to their current boys(I don’t know why) in the boat race.
Parkinsons